I started losing weight the day after the discovery of the betrayal that unraveled everything. I made a sick joke to his sister after he was arrested (a year later) that I had almost hit the “goal weight” I had been targeting since college (I turned 40 this year)—I assume that she read it as me minimizing his abuse since she didn’t register it as a bad thing. I have been under my “goal weight” for 6months, and was approaching BMI underweight status for a period; clothes I wore in middle school are too big for my hips.
But everyone thinks I look great…and yes, there has been some empowerment in getting to a body weight and shape I’ve always wanted, but the dissonance of trying to be proud and confident in a body I always wanted that came as a result of a decade of coercive control is tough to work through.
Hi Jessica, thank you for sharing this and I'm really sorry to hear about what you've been through. Your body changed because you were living through trauma, fear, and constant strain, and people around you only saw the surface, complimenting you on your weight, and not seeing the cost you paid to get there. It makes total sense that part of you feels proud of how you look, while another part feels grief around the fact that it came as a result of your suffering and struggle. It's ok to hold both those truths at the same time. 💛
We all are suffering from our abusive govt control, even if it’s subconscious, hence the disconnect from daily society, politics, escapism into sports or other “entertainment “. And it's so long term many don’t even register that it is coercive abuse.
And standing against it brings more coercion v danger. Prayer and reliance on God helps restore peace and rest we’ve forgotten.
“ come onto me ye heavy laden, and I will give you rest”.
This is a great article. Do you write about post separation abuse? Many of us are stalked, harassed and threatened for years after leaving. There is also abuse by proxy. I don’t see much about post separation abuse.
A bit! Thanks for this. Yes, I have endured this for years. Abuse by proxy is involved as well. I don’t know if you have written about this as well. I’m talking organized stalking, multi-perpetrator stalking. I appreciate the work you are doing.
That's a very scary situation. I've written a bit about triangulation - using third parties to perpetuate the abuse - but what your describing sounds like much more than the day-to-day manipulations involving others, and more towards serious stalking and harassment. Make sure to keep a detailed record of it all, as you may need that if you need to go to the police about it. I really hope all this will end for you. No one should have to go through this 😔
I started losing weight the day after the discovery of the betrayal that unraveled everything. I made a sick joke to his sister after he was arrested (a year later) that I had almost hit the “goal weight” I had been targeting since college (I turned 40 this year)—I assume that she read it as me minimizing his abuse since she didn’t register it as a bad thing. I have been under my “goal weight” for 6months, and was approaching BMI underweight status for a period; clothes I wore in middle school are too big for my hips.
But everyone thinks I look great…and yes, there has been some empowerment in getting to a body weight and shape I’ve always wanted, but the dissonance of trying to be proud and confident in a body I always wanted that came as a result of a decade of coercive control is tough to work through.
Hi Jessica, thank you for sharing this and I'm really sorry to hear about what you've been through. Your body changed because you were living through trauma, fear, and constant strain, and people around you only saw the surface, complimenting you on your weight, and not seeing the cost you paid to get there. It makes total sense that part of you feels proud of how you look, while another part feels grief around the fact that it came as a result of your suffering and struggle. It's ok to hold both those truths at the same time. 💛
We all are suffering from our abusive govt control, even if it’s subconscious, hence the disconnect from daily society, politics, escapism into sports or other “entertainment “. And it's so long term many don’t even register that it is coercive abuse.
And standing against it brings more coercion v danger. Prayer and reliance on God helps restore peace and rest we’ve forgotten.
“ come onto me ye heavy laden, and I will give you rest”.
This is a great article. Do you write about post separation abuse? Many of us are stalked, harassed and threatened for years after leaving. There is also abuse by proxy. I don’t see much about post separation abuse.
Yes, I have written a bit about post-separation abuse. I'm so sorry you are enduring the nightmare of it 😔
Here are some of the posts.
https://shadowsofcontrol.substack.com/p/living-in-fear-the-harrowing-reality
https://shadowsofcontrol.substack.com/p/ten-harmful-post-separation-abuse
https://shadowsofcontrol.substack.com/p/betrayed-by-the-system-when-institutions
https://shadowsofcontrol.substack.com/p/when-the-abuser-controls-the-story
https://shadowsofcontrol.substack.com/p/if-you-leave-ill-take-the-kids-how
https://shadowsofcontrol.com/articles/darvo-how-abusers-deny-attack-and-play-victim/#google_vignette
A bit! Thanks for this. Yes, I have endured this for years. Abuse by proxy is involved as well. I don’t know if you have written about this as well. I’m talking organized stalking, multi-perpetrator stalking. I appreciate the work you are doing.
That's a very scary situation. I've written a bit about triangulation - using third parties to perpetuate the abuse - but what your describing sounds like much more than the day-to-day manipulations involving others, and more towards serious stalking and harassment. Make sure to keep a detailed record of it all, as you may need that if you need to go to the police about it. I really hope all this will end for you. No one should have to go through this 😔