“At first he played my heartstrings. Told me no one in his family loved him, that he was abused as a kid, suffered severe PTSD from the military. Then when his fake tears and victim mentality stopped working... he threatened to kill my parents.”
This... is exactly my story to a t, except I never let it get far enough for him to threaten my parents. When I stopped feeling sorry for him and trying to fix him, he retaliated by turning my best friend against me and fabricating evidence to file a false police report against me. But these examples are the exact same tactics he used to get me to empathize with him.
While there was a grain of truth to all of his victim mentality, instead of trying to heal, he used his trauma as an excuse to abuse me. I'm glad I've finally escaped.
I'm an autistic person, and I thought my spouse was bipolar.
I knew they had a history of abuse, neglect, and self harm, and parents who were very religious and terrible people. One parent in particular probably has actual NPD. Although I'm not a doctor; he's such a creepy, awful mess of a monster in human skin it just makes sense.
So my partner started off as my best friend. I knew they had problems and needed help. And as we had tough times, I gave them grace and tried to help them.
But the tough times just kept coming.
And they kept getting weirder and worse as what I thought were their manic and depressive phases came.
I never, ever thought it was my fault. I never, ever, thought I deserved it.
But I did get ground down and start to get physically weaker and sicker. I developed a worse case of autoimmune disease, and chronic fatigue.
I lost my ability to work. I lost my athleticism. I lost my photographic memory.
I couldn't stand life anymore, and wondered how long I'd have to endure the pain.
I definitely checked out of the relationship without realizing it. I still cared about them and tried to get their unwilling ass in front of a shrink, but every time they faffed off without me I felt such relief.
Every time they came back I kind of wondered why they bothered.
I keep thinking, the further away I get from the relationship, the more I see the bullshit for what it is.
Even though he was never overtly cruel or physical, it was the manipulation and victim mentality.
He was never to blame, there was always an excuse. Passive aggressive actions, little joking comments, discouragement from doing things I thought were valuable, guilt trips.
I thought I had to dig in and try harder, because that’s what you do - be the bigger person.
“At first he played my heartstrings. Told me no one in his family loved him, that he was abused as a kid, suffered severe PTSD from the military. Then when his fake tears and victim mentality stopped working... he threatened to kill my parents.”
This... is exactly my story to a t, except I never let it get far enough for him to threaten my parents. When I stopped feeling sorry for him and trying to fix him, he retaliated by turning my best friend against me and fabricating evidence to file a false police report against me. But these examples are the exact same tactics he used to get me to empathize with him.
While there was a grain of truth to all of his victim mentality, instead of trying to heal, he used his trauma as an excuse to abuse me. I'm glad I've finally escaped.
Gross, isn't it? My ex *still* tries to pull my heartstrings. They are vile.
I've got an odd case, I guess.
I'm an autistic person, and I thought my spouse was bipolar.
I knew they had a history of abuse, neglect, and self harm, and parents who were very religious and terrible people. One parent in particular probably has actual NPD. Although I'm not a doctor; he's such a creepy, awful mess of a monster in human skin it just makes sense.
So my partner started off as my best friend. I knew they had problems and needed help. And as we had tough times, I gave them grace and tried to help them.
But the tough times just kept coming.
And they kept getting weirder and worse as what I thought were their manic and depressive phases came.
I never, ever thought it was my fault. I never, ever, thought I deserved it.
But I did get ground down and start to get physically weaker and sicker. I developed a worse case of autoimmune disease, and chronic fatigue.
I lost my ability to work. I lost my athleticism. I lost my photographic memory.
I couldn't stand life anymore, and wondered how long I'd have to endure the pain.
I definitely checked out of the relationship without realizing it. I still cared about them and tried to get their unwilling ass in front of a shrink, but every time they faffed off without me I felt such relief.
Every time they came back I kind of wondered why they bothered.
I keep thinking, the further away I get from the relationship, the more I see the bullshit for what it is.
Even though he was never overtly cruel or physical, it was the manipulation and victim mentality.
He was never to blame, there was always an excuse. Passive aggressive actions, little joking comments, discouragement from doing things I thought were valuable, guilt trips.
I thought I had to dig in and try harder, because that’s what you do - be the bigger person.
And I ended up feeling so small.