"...know that what happened to you is real, your story matters, and you are not alone." Thank you. Validation is freeing. I need to hear this in various versions, multiple times a day, to heal every part of me that he broke.
This is such a clear and powerful breakdown of covert abuse. It is incredibly confusing for survivors — and often just as difficult to explain to others. It’s all too easy for people to dismiss it when they hear about it, or to say they’ve never seen evidence of this cruelty, so it must not be real. But remember: if you’re not living in someone’s shoes, you don’t have the full story. When someone trusts you enough to share their experience, meet them with compassion and kindness. I also write about similar topics and love to share what I’ve learned along the way. 💙
Have lived through this hell as described in this article. It is an experience I never wish to repeat and has almost 100% caused me to not ever want to try to have another "significant other" type relationship; instead to focus on my own healing and letting others know that there is such a form of abuse. And encouraging others to get out of those type of soul sucking relationships.
Thank you for bringing up a very important point - domestic abuse is not always obvious, and abusers don't necessarily conform with common stereotypes people have of abusers.
One very common stereotype is that men are abusers and women are victims. In my personal experience this stereotype was used to cover extreme coercive and controlling behaviour.
I think it’s also important to mention the evangelical church’s complicitness in this arena. “You need to submit more, forgive him, extend him grace.” And my favorite: “ Are you sure you’re not just being overly sensitive?” I had a woman from church actually ask me if maybe my husband had dementia? So desperate to excuse his behavior because they couldn’t comprehend that an elder in our church was capable of ‘being mean.’
Thank you for this article. Let’s continue to shine the light on the more covert forms of abuse!
"...know that what happened to you is real, your story matters, and you are not alone." Thank you. Validation is freeing. I need to hear this in various versions, multiple times a day, to heal every part of me that he broke.
This is such a clear and powerful breakdown of covert abuse. It is incredibly confusing for survivors — and often just as difficult to explain to others. It’s all too easy for people to dismiss it when they hear about it, or to say they’ve never seen evidence of this cruelty, so it must not be real. But remember: if you’re not living in someone’s shoes, you don’t have the full story. When someone trusts you enough to share their experience, meet them with compassion and kindness. I also write about similar topics and love to share what I’ve learned along the way. 💙
Have lived through this hell as described in this article. It is an experience I never wish to repeat and has almost 100% caused me to not ever want to try to have another "significant other" type relationship; instead to focus on my own healing and letting others know that there is such a form of abuse. And encouraging others to get out of those type of soul sucking relationships.
Thank you for bringing up a very important point - domestic abuse is not always obvious, and abusers don't necessarily conform with common stereotypes people have of abusers.
One very common stereotype is that men are abusers and women are victims. In my personal experience this stereotype was used to cover extreme coercive and controlling behaviour.
I think it’s also important to mention the evangelical church’s complicitness in this arena. “You need to submit more, forgive him, extend him grace.” And my favorite: “ Are you sure you’re not just being overly sensitive?” I had a woman from church actually ask me if maybe my husband had dementia? So desperate to excuse his behavior because they couldn’t comprehend that an elder in our church was capable of ‘being mean.’
Thank you for this article. Let’s continue to shine the light on the more covert forms of abuse!