"You're far too materialistic for your age..." Right there establishes the hierarchy. The opening of the letter first positions him as authority and then he swoops in for the kill to establish the ranking ... "you are beneath me and must obey". It just goes downhill from there after destabilizing the receiver so the rest of the letter criticizing her is absorbed with full impact.
I've always found your insights so eloquent and thorough. Your ability to dissect these toxic tools is not so common... Your analysis are surgically precise, and this is exactly what I need to spread awareness. You're the surgeon that dissects the abuser's tactics. And the world needs it.
And once again, I’m having flashbacks. His move has two parts. First, anything she enjoys is a sign of her morally defective nature. He’s attacking her for being materialistic, but if she enjoyed something else, he would find a way that that was a sign of her moral defects too. The real problem is that she is enjoying anything that he doesn’t control. And eventually, the problem is that she is enjoying anything. Because it means she has an independent life and he doesn’t want that.
The second part of his move is that the thing she enjoys is something she is deliberately using to separate herself from him and make him feel bad. He is imputing a malicious motive. But again he could do that with anything. She likes going for a long walks? Is she just trying to get away from him? She likes reading books? Is it because she doesn’t want to pay attention to him?
So the thing she likes is bad, and she’s using it maliciously to make him feel bad. Thus she is bad and he is morally superior twice.
I learned pretty fast not to visibly enjoy anything.
This. Now it's difficult to express anything positive and ppl label ME as cold, detached, negative. It's a No-Win for ppl who don't know how to see the differences.
"You're far too materialistic for your age..." Right there establishes the hierarchy. The opening of the letter first positions him as authority and then he swoops in for the kill to establish the ranking ... "you are beneath me and must obey". It just goes downhill from there after destabilizing the receiver so the rest of the letter criticizing her is absorbed with full impact.
Yes, 100%!
Absolutely fascinating. These insights are incredibly valuable, and give me vocabulary to put these abuses in words.
I'm so glad you find it helpful!
I've always found your insights so eloquent and thorough. Your ability to dissect these toxic tools is not so common... Your analysis are surgically precise, and this is exactly what I need to spread awareness. You're the surgeon that dissects the abuser's tactics. And the world needs it.
I'm delighted you think so. Thank you so much for your feedback!
And once again, I’m having flashbacks. His move has two parts. First, anything she enjoys is a sign of her morally defective nature. He’s attacking her for being materialistic, but if she enjoyed something else, he would find a way that that was a sign of her moral defects too. The real problem is that she is enjoying anything that he doesn’t control. And eventually, the problem is that she is enjoying anything. Because it means she has an independent life and he doesn’t want that.
The second part of his move is that the thing she enjoys is something she is deliberately using to separate herself from him and make him feel bad. He is imputing a malicious motive. But again he could do that with anything. She likes going for a long walks? Is she just trying to get away from him? She likes reading books? Is it because she doesn’t want to pay attention to him?
So the thing she likes is bad, and she’s using it maliciously to make him feel bad. Thus she is bad and he is morally superior twice.
I learned pretty fast not to visibly enjoy anything.
This. Now it's difficult to express anything positive and ppl label ME as cold, detached, negative. It's a No-Win for ppl who don't know how to see the differences.
This is a very good list, thank you.