Welcome to Shadows of Control
This space exists because coercive control, the most insidious form of domestic abuse, is still too often invisible. Conversations about domestic abuse usually center on physical violence, while the emotional and psychological harm is overlooked, even though its effects run just as deep.
Shadows of Control is here to name what is usually hidden. To put words around experiences many of us were told didn’t count. To create a place where survivors of domestic abuse feel less alone, and where those who want to understand can learn.
Through my writing, I aim to:
Name what’s hidden: unpack how coercive control works and how it quietly shows up in everyday life
Clear the fog: challenge the myths and misconceptions that keep survivors doubting themselves
Shine a light on impact: explore how coercive control and domestic abuse affect victims, children, and family life
Offer guidance for the journey: share insights about leaving, rebuilding, and navigating post-separation abuse
Support recovery: create tools and reflections that help survivors ground, reflect, and reclaim their voice
Celebrate resilience: honour the slow, messy, real process of healing and remind survivors they are not alone
Who I Am
Who I am is shaped by both what I’ve lived through and what I now study. I spent a decade in a cult and twelve years in an abusive marriage. Those years left deep marks, but they also gave me insight that no textbook could. Alongside that lived experience, I hold a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and am completing an MSc in the Psychology of Coercive Control. Together, they drive the work I do here.
I know what it is to live in the fog of domestic abuse, to question yourself daily, and to keep going even when you feel emptied out. What I share blends lived experience with research, offering both honesty and clarity, so that you feel less alone in what you’re carrying.
For privacy and safety, I write under the name Samara Knight. My son and I are still affected by the fallout of my former marriage, so anonymity remains important.
Free vs. Supporter Tier
Everyone who subscribes to Shadows of Control receives weekly articles on coercive control and domestic abuse, reflections that speak directly to survivors’ realities. That part will always stay free, because no one should be priced out of understanding this form of abuse or finding words for their experience.
The Supporter tier is for those who want to go deeper and help sustain this work. As a Supporter, you’ll receive:
Personal reflections that I don’t share publicly, where I write with more depth and honesty about life within and after abuse
Printable tools and worksheet, designed to help you ground and reflect
A private chat space, with gentle prompts and room for connection with others who understand
Monthly Q&A posts, where I answer the kinds of questions survivors often carry in silence
When you join the Supporter tier, you’re not just accessing extra content, you’re helping keep this platform alive for everyone.
I’ve created a page that explains everything Supporters receive, along with why your support matters so much.
➡️ Learn more about the Supporter tier.
What Readers Say
Survivors and supporters have shared how Shadows of Control has helped them find clarity, courage, and connection:
“I just wanted to say how much I value your account and reading all your posts. I’m recently out of an abusive relationship and it’s so comforting to read experiences of other people.”
“Thank you – you have given me the clarity, confidence and insight I needed to give up on trying to reason with my self-serving ex. Having a community of women who understands helps so much.”
“Your words have been really crucial in my journey to understanding what happened to me. Just hours ago, I took my first real step to leave a 17 year relationship that was built around a framework of coercive control.”
“I am so grateful for you posting these. There is rarely any kind of validation to be found when it comes to emotional abuse. I seek out daily reminders from those I’d never have to explain anything to. You’re one of those places for me.”
“Always real and always true, thank you for teaching about DV in your inimitable style. It is so very much appreciated.”
Why the name “Shadows of Control”?
Coercive control often works in shadows: quiet, hidden, unacknowledged. Victims of domestic abuse can feel themselves fading into shadows too, losing parts of their identity as abuse strips them away.
By naming these shadows, we begin to bring them into the light. Survivors reclaim voice, clarity, and selfhood. And together, we make visible what has too often been kept invisible in domestic abuse.
Thank you for being here. Whether you’re reading quietly, finding courage in the words, or choosing to support this work more directly, you’re part of why Shadows of Control exists. Every voice that joins makes the silence around domestic abuse and coercive control a little less heavy.
If you ever feel alone in what you’re carrying, I hope this space reminds you that you’re not.
