Monthly Q&A: When Trust Breaks, Navigating Betrayal

This month’s Q&A focuses on a kind of pain that many survivors describe as almost worse than the abuse itself. It is the shock of being disbelieved, blamed, or betrayed by the people we trusted most. When you finally find the courage to speak, when you reach out for support, when you take those first frightening steps toward clarity, you expect some level of care or safety. What often meets survivors instead is minimising, judgement, dismissal, pressure, or outright betrayal.

These are not abstract wounds. They go straight to the heart of what abuse does. Coercive control isolates you, makes you doubt yourself, convinces you that your perception cannot be trusted. So when someone you love echoes the abuser’s narrative, even unintentionally, it can shake you to your core.

As with all of these Q&A pieces, I am not writing as a therapist. I am writing as someone who lived through abuse, is navigating through its aftermath, and is now studying the psychology of coercive control. My hope is that these reflections offer clarity and validation through one of the most painful and confusing parts of recovery.

Here are this month’s questions.

Q1: “I found out eight weeks ago through therapy that I was in an abusive relationship. This weekend I reached out to my old best friend, explained what has been going on and why I have not been in touch. I feel worse now because she said she is surprised, that he is lovely and that “you two were so good together”. She asked me, “what did you do to him to make him act like that?”, “why not apologise and ask him to forgive you?”. I feel like now it was all me! Why does my best friend feel I caused this? Did I actually?”