Minimization: A Key Tactic of Manipulative Abusers

Minimization is a manipulative tactic used by abusers to downplay the severity of their actions. This tactic involves the abuser making their harmful behavior appear less significant, thereby avoiding accountability for the abuse and the damage caused. By doing so, they shift the blame onto the victim, making them feel as though they are overreacting or exaggerating the situation.

Minimizing and Downplaying Abuse

Abusers often resort to minimization when confronted about their abusive behavior. They may admit to some wrongdoing but refuse to accept the full extent of the abuse and its impact. Common phrases like "It wasn't that bad, get over it" or "I barely touched you" exemplify this tactic.

Dr. George Simon, an expert on manipulators and author of In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, explains, “They do this to make themselves feel better about what they did, as well as to manipulate others’ impressions of them. Their primary objective is to get you to believe that there’s nothing wrong with the kind of person they are.” (p. 117)

The Manipulative Tactics of Minimization

According to Dr. Simon, abusers frequently use words like “just” and “only” to lessen the perceived impact of their actions. Statements such as “I only slapped her and there was no strength in it” or “I just pushed her a little; it’s not like I hit her or anything” are typical.

“The story is always the same. What they mean to do is convince me that I would be wrong to conclude that their behavior was really as wrong as they know I suspect,” writes Dr. Simon. “Minimization is not primarily the way they make themselves feel better about what they did, it’s primarily the way they try to manipulate my impression of them. They don’t want me to see them as a person who behaves like a thug.”

Understanding the Abuser’s Mindset

Lundy Bancroft, who has extensive experience working with abusive men, delves into the mindset of abusers in his book Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. Bancroft explains that abusers often don't view their behavior as truly abusive. They justify their actions by comparing themselves to "worse" abusers, believing that their actions don’t qualify as serious abuse.

“If he never threatens his partner, then to him threats define real abuse. If he only threatens but never actually hits, then real abusers are those who hit,” Bancroft writes. “Any abuser hides behind this mental process: If he hits her but never punches her with a closed fist… If he punches her but she has never had broken bones or been hospitalized… In the abuser’s mind, his behavior is never truly violent.” (p. 159)

This mindset allows abusers to avoid taking full responsibility for their actions. When faced with legal consequences, they often feel outraged and perceive the system as unfair, blaming everyone else rather than accepting their abusive behavior.

The Psychological Toll on Victims

Minimization is a subtle form of emotional abuse that can profoundly affect victims. By downplaying the severity of their actions, abusers create a warped reality where harmful behaviors are seen as minor issues, leading victims to question their own perceptions and memories.

Bancroft highlights that victims often remember abusive events more clearly and accurately because of the heightened awareness they have during such incidents. However, abusers frequently accuse them of exaggeration or lying to undermine their credibility. This gaslighting tactic erodes the victim's self-esteem and fosters self-doubt.

Victims tend to believe the excuses provided by their abusers because it is difficult to face the truth of their situation. People naturally seek logical explanations for irrational actions, particularly when the abuser is someone they care about. Abusers skillfully use manipulation and coercion to make their victims feel culpable for the abuse.

Steps Towards Healing

Part of the healing process for victims involves recognizing and overcoming their own tendencies to minimize their experiences. Embracing the full reality of their situation is vital for recovery. This realization helps victims grasp the true extent of the abuse, allowing them to seek appropriate support and begin the path to healing and rebuilding their lives.

References

Bancroft, Lundy. (2002). Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. Penguin Publishing Group.

Simon, G. K. (1996). In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. Parkhurst Brothers Inc.

Featured image: Minimization is a manipulative tactic. Source: Tinnakorn / Adobe Stock.