Letter from an Abuser: A Masterclass in Manipulation

When abusers reach out after you've left, their words can feel like hooks designed to pull you back in. Every text, voicemail, or letter serves one purpose: to destabilise your resolve and reopen the door you fought so hard to close.

"Please think carefully, reflect, pray, dream, ask for inner guidance but do not discuss it with anyone else. If you do, you will certainly poison your mind."

That line from my ex-husband's letter jumped out at me. He had tried to sound spiritual and sincere, but the intent was crystal clear. He was telling me to stay quiet, not to seek support, and to be alone with his voice in my head. It was a demand for secrecy, isolation, and obedience wrapped in the language of wisdom.

The letter arrived a year and a half after I left him, during a period when his abuse had actually escalated. I was dealing with threats, intimidation, blackmail, manipulation of our child, phone hacking, and even a private investigator following me. Yet somehow, this letter still tried to pull me back into that mental maze I'd fought so hard to escape.

The timing wasn't coincidental. He was facing financial pressure and knew a settlement would cost him significantly. The goal wasn't reconciliation out of love, it was damage control to protect what he stood to lose.

Every word was carefully chosen. While some phrases might sound sincere and heartfelt, each one serves a larger design. Promises wrapped in conditions, secrecy dressed up as spiritual guidance, ultimatums disguised as parental duty.

I'm sharing this letter to show manipulation in action, dissecting each abusive tactic as it appears. The more clearly we can recognise these strategies, the better we can shield ourselves from their harm.