The phrase “It takes two to tango” is often used to describe relationship difficulties, implying that both people are equally responsible for the problem and its solution.
Oh, how I have grown to HATE that phrase "it takes two to tango" vis-a-vis relationships. My mother, gods love her, still says that every once in a while with other people's relationships. Mostly because (I think, so strictly speculation on my part) she refuses to accept my junkie bio-father was the monster he showed himself to be all along.
It's an excuse. A dangerous one that traps people in hells they need to GTFO of.
I think ALL marriage counselors need to ask about power relationships in a marriage. Sometimes there are things going on that even the victim doesn't realize. Any time you have one partner staying home with the kids, or one partner whose career is considered "less important," or one partner who makes less money in a relationship where money = power, you have the potential for abuse, and that needs to be explored as part of the intake. Instead we have therapists over and over convincing clients that they're "making a mountain out of a molehill" or "just need to practice gratitude" or "try to see the other's point of view" or even "s/he's your spouse, they therefore love you, so of course they have the best intentions." Those practices gaslight victims into thinking that they are the problem. I urge all therapists to study the Equality and Power & Control Wheels and start by asking questions about power dynamics. In all relationships, not just ones in which abuse is suspected.
Excellent piece for this slower Sabbath morning read.
I like Patrick Weaver Ministries, FaithHill Church/The Exodus Project - we support on a regular basis.
His testimony is amazing ...I learned so much from him about the dynamics of abuse, family court systems, how much he loved his precious mother who endured so much - although well-educated and potentially financially independent, she was afraid to divorce her alcoholic tryant of a husband due to the favoritism towards abusers in the court system. She was afraid for her son to be alone with her husband, which would happen if he got any kind of visitation....oh my ...
Oh, how I have grown to HATE that phrase "it takes two to tango" vis-a-vis relationships. My mother, gods love her, still says that every once in a while with other people's relationships. Mostly because (I think, so strictly speculation on my part) she refuses to accept my junkie bio-father was the monster he showed himself to be all along.
It's an excuse. A dangerous one that traps people in hells they need to GTFO of.
WOAH.
This is a great explanation of the abuse of power, control, which goes completely undetected by most. Thank you for writing this! 😌💙
I think ALL marriage counselors need to ask about power relationships in a marriage. Sometimes there are things going on that even the victim doesn't realize. Any time you have one partner staying home with the kids, or one partner whose career is considered "less important," or one partner who makes less money in a relationship where money = power, you have the potential for abuse, and that needs to be explored as part of the intake. Instead we have therapists over and over convincing clients that they're "making a mountain out of a molehill" or "just need to practice gratitude" or "try to see the other's point of view" or even "s/he's your spouse, they therefore love you, so of course they have the best intentions." Those practices gaslight victims into thinking that they are the problem. I urge all therapists to study the Equality and Power & Control Wheels and start by asking questions about power dynamics. In all relationships, not just ones in which abuse is suspected.
Restacked three quotes because this is epic!!
Excellent piece for this slower Sabbath morning read.
I like Patrick Weaver Ministries, FaithHill Church/The Exodus Project - we support on a regular basis.
His testimony is amazing ...I learned so much from him about the dynamics of abuse, family court systems, how much he loved his precious mother who endured so much - although well-educated and potentially financially independent, she was afraid to divorce her alcoholic tryant of a husband due to the favoritism towards abusers in the court system. She was afraid for her son to be alone with her husband, which would happen if he got any kind of visitation....oh my ...