This article is written by one of my readers, Kimberley, a writer who has lived through an abusive relationship and has chosen to share her experience here.
This is such a powerful piece - the way Kimberley describes false accusations slowly rewriting her sense of reality really shows how insidious coercive control can be long before there’s any “obvious” violence.
I really appreciate the practical list of long‑term impacts too; it gives language to patterns a lot of people minimise or blame themselves for.
He did this to me - it is crazy making because he would make up detailed stories about how and when I had done things that never happened so I thought he was in some kind of psychosis/breakdown because it was so insane but he would repeat and repeat the accusations and started to say them to other people! All this because I called him out on his infidelity which I now know to be true 🤯 it’s truly disgusting and cruel behaviour.
Don’t question having your kids. They’re your saving grace during and when everything was imploding. So many divorced women (like me) will say the kids were the only good thing from the marriage. I feel like there was a larger force at work that kept me in the marriage before kids. So that they would be in my life and give me joy when so many other things weren’t.
This is such a powerful piece - the way Kimberley describes false accusations slowly rewriting her sense of reality really shows how insidious coercive control can be long before there’s any “obvious” violence.
I really appreciate the practical list of long‑term impacts too; it gives language to patterns a lot of people minimise or blame themselves for.
My ex would do this. In the end it was one of many things that helped me leave, because I refused to “admit” to things I never did.
He did this to me - it is crazy making because he would make up detailed stories about how and when I had done things that never happened so I thought he was in some kind of psychosis/breakdown because it was so insane but he would repeat and repeat the accusations and started to say them to other people! All this because I called him out on his infidelity which I now know to be true 🤯 it’s truly disgusting and cruel behaviour.
False accusations are an easy way to get the victim to police themselves, making the abuser's "job" of control easier.
I never labeled those false accusations as abuse. I think becauae I preferred the accusations to the "no one else would ever want you".
Don’t question having your kids. They’re your saving grace during and when everything was imploding. So many divorced women (like me) will say the kids were the only good thing from the marriage. I feel like there was a larger force at work that kept me in the marriage before kids. So that they would be in my life and give me joy when so many other things weren’t.