Yes! This! 2 years before I told my ex I wanted a divorce he told me that he would no longer cuddle me. His reason was that it made him feel horny and that if I was not offering sex then he didn’t want to be cuddled. In the same year he also declared that he would no longer try to initiate sex as he could not take any rejections. Sex was always to be initiated by me. I complied for around a year before getting fed up and deciding not to bother anymore. The final year of our sexless marriage continued before finally said I was divorcing him. Just one of many many tactics of abuse.
That sounds really painful Sam. When affection and physical closeness are made conditional like that, the message you are given is that you and your body are only valued when they meet their needs, on their terms. You make all the effort, and then are left feeling rejected, anxious, and alone. It makes sense that you gave up trying. I am so glad you are free of that dynamic now 💛
Yes! This! 2 years before I told my ex I wanted a divorce he told me that he would no longer cuddle me. His reason was that it made him feel horny and that if I was not offering sex then he didn’t want to be cuddled. In the same year he also declared that he would no longer try to initiate sex as he could not take any rejections. Sex was always to be initiated by me. I complied for around a year before getting fed up and deciding not to bother anymore. The final year of our sexless marriage continued before finally said I was divorcing him. Just one of many many tactics of abuse.
That sounds really painful Sam. When affection and physical closeness are made conditional like that, the message you are given is that you and your body are only valued when they meet their needs, on their terms. You make all the effort, and then are left feeling rejected, anxious, and alone. It makes sense that you gave up trying. I am so glad you are free of that dynamic now 💛