Thank you, you know some of us never had boundaries to begin with because they were erased in childhood FOR us and we had to figure it out as we got older. So this is helpful.
Yes - so many children got the message that they should not have boundaries at all and exponentially more with women. What I see my daughter learning now is very different than the norms that I grew up with.
Right? It makes me really happy. It makes me so happy that they don’t make them hug people and kiss people that they don’t want to when they’re little, just for starters.
Thank you for this piece. I relate as am a survivor of two abusive marriages which looked very different on the outside.
I now write and have spoken about my experiences and recovery which has helped to understand what happened and why I was a willing victim.
I recall using art in the early days of recovery, throwing paint of colours that represented the hurt onto a large canvas and writing out song 🎶 lyrics eg. I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor. I had lists of what I wasn’t missing .. the bruises, the shouting, the swearing etc etc which I stuck on my walls ( my No’s) .. the Yes’s took longer to form I agree .. a good starting point being to write the opposite of all the No list.
Thank you Rayann! This is excellent. I could particularly relate to the reciprocity in relationships story... right down to someone who copied my soon-to-be former husband on an email. She was a spiritual leader to boot.
Thanks for sharing @Nicole Moen ! It’s funny that you had a similar story to the one at the end, and I’m also not surprised that it was a spiritual leader, as the identity of spiritual teacher plus the biological effects of being in an up-power or teaching role can sadly combine in a way that sometimes enables people to well…. take their entitlement to the next level.
I didn't think you'd be surprised! Yes. Up power for sure: older than me, a teacher but also a (now former) friend. It was shocking and really sad at the time (about 16 or 17 years ago) especially when the person wouldn't even talk to me about it to face and resolve what had happened.
Thank you for sharing Moe!
Love this thank you already wrote my Yes’s and No’s!
Fantastic! May your boundaries grow beautifully and organically into just the right structures for you.
Thank you, you know some of us never had boundaries to begin with because they were erased in childhood FOR us and we had to figure it out as we got older. So this is helpful.
Yes - so many children got the message that they should not have boundaries at all and exponentially more with women. What I see my daughter learning now is very different than the norms that I grew up with.
Right? It makes me really happy. It makes me so happy that they don’t make them hug people and kiss people that they don’t want to when they’re little, just for starters.
Thank you for this piece. I relate as am a survivor of two abusive marriages which looked very different on the outside.
I now write and have spoken about my experiences and recovery which has helped to understand what happened and why I was a willing victim.
I recall using art in the early days of recovery, throwing paint of colours that represented the hurt onto a large canvas and writing out song 🎶 lyrics eg. I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor. I had lists of what I wasn’t missing .. the bruises, the shouting, the swearing etc etc which I stuck on my walls ( my No’s) .. the Yes’s took longer to form I agree .. a good starting point being to write the opposite of all the No list.
A very important and helpful post.
Thank you Rayann! This is excellent. I could particularly relate to the reciprocity in relationships story... right down to someone who copied my soon-to-be former husband on an email. She was a spiritual leader to boot.
Thanks for sharing @Nicole Moen ! It’s funny that you had a similar story to the one at the end, and I’m also not surprised that it was a spiritual leader, as the identity of spiritual teacher plus the biological effects of being in an up-power or teaching role can sadly combine in a way that sometimes enables people to well…. take their entitlement to the next level.
I didn't think you'd be surprised! Yes. Up power for sure: older than me, a teacher but also a (now former) friend. It was shocking and really sad at the time (about 16 or 17 years ago) especially when the person wouldn't even talk to me about it to face and resolve what had happened.