This post is so powerful. I wish I had had it when I needed it early on. I may have recognized the abuse much sooner. But the mental and emotional abuse sneaks in quietly. The physical is obvious but the mental is subtle and breaks you down one piece at a time until you are a shell of your former self.
I also think we should be cognizant of how we use these phrases. Then stop and ask ourselves why are we saying this. What is our motive, intent? Do we intend to be dishonest or manipulative? If so, then we must change. We don’t want to continue the cycle of hurt with our children, family, friends, coworkers, community, and most importantly ourselves.
Lists like this can be grounding when someone is still doubting their own reality. And I also want to name something I see often in my work: many of us recognised these patterns long before we had the language ... and stayed anyway, not because we were naïve, but because staying once kept us safe, connected, or intact.
Naming phrases matters. So does understanding the nervous-system and relational reasons clarity doesn’t automatically lead to leaving. Both truths can live side by side.
This post is so powerful. I wish I had had it when I needed it early on. I may have recognized the abuse much sooner. But the mental and emotional abuse sneaks in quietly. The physical is obvious but the mental is subtle and breaks you down one piece at a time until you are a shell of your former self.
Unfortunately, I know these tactics too well.
I also think we should be cognizant of how we use these phrases. Then stop and ask ourselves why are we saying this. What is our motive, intent? Do we intend to be dishonest or manipulative? If so, then we must change. We don’t want to continue the cycle of hurt with our children, family, friends, coworkers, community, and most importantly ourselves.
Lists like this can be grounding when someone is still doubting their own reality. And I also want to name something I see often in my work: many of us recognised these patterns long before we had the language ... and stayed anyway, not because we were naïve, but because staying once kept us safe, connected, or intact.
Naming phrases matters. So does understanding the nervous-system and relational reasons clarity doesn’t automatically lead to leaving. Both truths can live side by side.
This is so eye opening and helpful for current victims. Thank you for writing this! 🥳